Magic tongues and dual power.

July 20th, 2010    Posted in Toy Review

California Exotic Novelties, better known as CalExotic, a leader in the manufacturing of adult sex toys, has now produced a pure silicone 10 (yes, TEN) function, DUAL Motor (YES…TWO MOTORS!!!) Vibrator called the Lia Dual Stimulator.
This hot pink, velvety feeling vibrator is powerful and capable of delivering a variety of pulsations and vibrations that are sure to please almost anyone.The primary motor controls the shaft, the secondary motor is in the clitoral stimulator with it’s two little flexible “tongues”. What makes this vibrator unique is not only the dual power, but the tip end of the shaft is unlike any other vibe I have personally seen. It has an encircled group of 16 tiny nubs, all waiting to excite you. The 5.25 insertable inches of the tiered shaft provide wave after escalating waterproof fun, so taking this to the shower, the hot tub or the pool is not a problem. Two AA batteries installed in the easily opened end and a willingness to give yourself over to pleasure are all that is needed.
Cleanup with silicone toys is easy…soap and warm water or your favorite antibacterial toy cleaner are both good ideas. As silicone does sometimes tend to attract dust or lint, store your toy in the original box or another closed container for best results. Any sort of water based lubricant works well with this but avoid silicone lube as it is not good for silicone toys. Look for this or any other fine quality CalExotics product at your favorite adult store or online adult store. If they don’t carry CalExotic, ask them to. CalExotics is a female owned and operated company and a leader in the industry.
Happy and Safe Sex! MissPtunia.
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The “Fuck-Up Fairy”.

July 19th, 2010    Posted in Funny, Random Thoughts


Let’s face it here…shit happens.

If we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that sometimes it is our own fault. Sometimes it is definitely NOT!

People try to use you (not in any kinky good way). People try to lie to you. People try to take advantage of you. Family takes you for granted. Friends resent you. Co-workers take credit for your work. The boss yells for you to work faster/better/more so that HE looks good. Other drivers cut you off in traffic. The counter help at the local fast food joint can’t make simple change at the register. Your stylist fucks up your hair. The cable repair guy shows up 5 hours later than he said he’d be there. Your neighbor, once again, spouts his/her propaganda and rhetoric that you have repeatedly said you don’t want to hear. The auto repair that was promised at one price is now three times as much. The waitress swears the coffee is decaf but at 3AM you realize she lied! The item the store promised via phone to hold for you until you got there, has been sold to someone else.

Trouble abounds. Stress ensues. Pressure builds. Something gives.

We all have them…THOSE moments.

Things I wish I could say in THOSE moments….

1. Well I can see that the “Fuck-Up Fairy has been here again.

2. I am already imagining what your mouth will look like once I cover it in duct tape.

3. No, I am not being rude. I just don’t give a flying fuck about you or what you have to say today.

4. Yes I can see the point you’re trying to make, but I still think you are full of shit.

5. I see that you think you should be worshiped. Too bad I’m an atheist.

6. What am I? A flypaper for freaks?

7. You want this when? How about NEVER? Is that good for you cause that’s good for me.

8. I see you have set aside time to humiliate yourself in public. Good for you. Well done. You’ve succeeded.

9. I have no idea what the fuck your problem is, but I am sure it is hard to pronounce and needs medication.

10. I will really try to be nicer providing you try to be smarter.

11. I see your mouth moving but all I hear coming out is “I’m a tool, I’m a tool, I’m a tool…”

12. You are really validating my inherit distrust of strangers.

13. Thanks for your opinion. But if I had wanted it, I would have choked you until you crapped it out.

14. Any connection between your reality and THE REALITY is purely coincidental.

15. I can see you forgot your necessary medications again today.

16. You know, I can fix what’s wrong with you. But it is gonna take a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery.

17. You actually sound reasonable today. Guess that means you upped the dosage, right?

18. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I forgot that you’re an idiot.

19. I sorta like you. You remind me of when I too was young and stupid.

20. Was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck at birth? Cause I think it cut off oxygen to your brain.

21. Even McGyver couldn’t fix you.

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Here’s hoping your life has less shit, more smiles, less hate and more love.

And remember, it is the “crazies” that make life fun and entertaining. Normal people are boring.

On second thought…maybe I’m the one that’s crazy.

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Torment me with pleasure.

July 13th, 2010    Posted in Fantasy, Masturbation, Sex

I lean against the pillows, pushing my head deeper into them as I arch my hips high enough to place the wedge under my naked ass cheeks. I spread my legs wide. I love the way the coolness of the air contrasts against the heat of my cunt. My nipples harden as thoughts of you ravishing me fills my brain. I let the fantasy in my head play out slowly, dripping down over me, penetrating every iota of my being, saturating me. Your hand on my breast, my hand on my breast. Your fingers spread my swollen pussy lips…my fingers do the same. Mental images of you, laying between my thighs, looking at my ever increasing wetness drive me to the brink of insane lust. Thoughts of you, closely examining my genitals, probing my hole with your tongue only serve to push me further into some lewd, sick and twisted fantasy that I have now lost control of. My own fingers slide up and down my slit as I imagine you rubbing, spreading the slick juice of heat and arousal. My hungry cunt is empty but for the wave after wave of throbbing need, the pulsating want, the blatant desire of the slut you have made me into. I more than massage my engorged clit, I rub it hard, slap it, pinch it….just as you often do. The scent of me, a slut in heat, fills the room. My eyes are closed, yet I see you…the beast that rules me, drives me and inflames me…the beast that helped to create and form the carnally depraved and licentious bitch that I have become. I am shameless in my desire to be fucked by you, used by you and even abused by you and merely for your amusement and pleasure. For that is my pleasure as well. My body writhes and contorts. I bring myself ever closer to the edge of depravity and mental chaos in my search for release from the physical world. I need release. I need to reach that sexual crescendo…the one that propels me into sub-space, that produces a gush of euphoric flow worthy of a geyser. In my mind, your fingers work feverishly, first to lure, then to tease, and finally to pull, almost against my will, the first of several orgasms from my tormented body. Torment me more I beg. Torment me until I cannot take more. Torment me until I pass out. Torment me until I die from sheer bliss and pleasure. You made this raunchy fuck-hungry whore. Now use me!

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